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The point of this blog post is to start to set out some thoughts on “Kiss Up Kick Down” as a (bad) management style. Whilst it interests me, I want to develop my thinking to a non-toxic variant of this behaviour. And by non-toxic I don’t mean that it’s anything but harmful for the organisation in the long run, but I’m trying to set out some thoughts we think we are doing the right thing but it’s basically a non-toxic variant of “Kiss Up Kick Down”. So I thought I’d clarify my thoughts by setting out the toxic variant first.
I doubt most toxic managers are obvious villains. Not the sort that storm into meetings yelling. Certainly not the sort that openly sabotage the company. The very opposite is what happens. When viewed from the right vantage point (the top of the organisation) they look impressive. Polished. Loyal. Strategic. Possibly even “Executive presence.”
But what you see from another vantage point lower down the org-chart is a very different person. I’m thinking of the “kiss up, kick down” manager: deferential and charming to their superiors, dismissive or harsh to their directly managed staff. They protect their image upward and offload pressure downward. And if you’ve worked for one, you know how disorienting that split personality can be.
At its core, this style is about power alignment. The manager scans the hierarchy and behaves accordingly. With executives they are agreeable, optimistic, quick to volunteer the team for new work. With peers they are political, careful, selectively and collaborative. However, with subordinates they are critical, impatient, sometimes openly demeaning. They manage impressions upward and manage through fear downward.
Organizational psychologist Tessa West describes a version of this dynamic in Jerks at Work, where toxic employees adapt their behavior based on who holds power in the room. Meanwhile, Robert I. Sutton, in The No Asshole Rule, documents how sustained patterns of belittling and intimidation erode team performance and well-being. What makes the “kiss up, kick down” manager particularly hard to challenge is that their boss often sees only the curated version. Upstairs, they are supportive and aligned. Downstairs, they are punitive and self-protective.
This behavior doesn’t emerge in a vacuum. It thrives in organizations that:
- Reward optics over outcomes
- Confuse confidence with competence
- Fail to gather feedback from below
- Tolerate high performers regardless of collateral damage
In environments like this, managing perception becomes more valuable than managing people.
Research on toxic leadership (including work by scholars such as Paul Babiak, co-author of Snakes in Suits) suggests that manipulative personalities can advance precisely because they understand power structures and exploit them. If promotions depend more on executive approval than team health, “kiss up, kick down” is not a bug. It’s an adaptation.
From lower positions on the org-chart, the experience is different. You start to second-guess yourself. Feedback feels personal rather than developmental. Public praise is rare; private criticism is common. Promises made in leadership meetings morph into unrealistic deadlines handed down without context. Over time, a few predictable things happen such as psychological safety collapsing or information that stops flowing upward (this is actually one thing I’m most interested in). Some symptoms are that risk-taking disappears and high performers quietly leave. The irony here is that senior leadership may see strong short-term results because the team is working out of fear. However, the long-term capability quietly erodes.
The defining feature of this management style is asymmetry. If you complain upward, you risk being seen as “Not resilient”, “Not aligned” or even “Difficult”. Remember, your manager seems perfectly reasonable to their boss. As Sutton argues in The No Asshole Rule, toxic behaviour persists when organizations fail to measure and reward how results are achieved and only care about whether they’re achieved. When there is no accountability for downward behavior, those below absorb the cost.
Healthy managers don’t invert their integrity based on audience. They advocate for their teams upward, they share credit broadly, they deliver difficult feedback with respect and they accept responsibility downward instead of deflecting it. The key tell is consistency. The person you see in a 1:1 is the same person executives see in a boardroom.
Bibliography
- Jerks at Work: Toxic Coworkers and What to Do About Them by Tessa West
This book specifically profiles workplace archetypes such as the “kiss-up/kick-downer”, gaslighters, credit stealers, and more, with practical advice on identifying and dealing with each type. West draws on research and real examples to help readers make sense of these patterns and handle them constructively.
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/59242928-jerks-at-work
- The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t by Robert I. Sutton
A classic in workplace culture literature, Sutton explores how toxic behaviour harms teams and offers organizational strategies to stop abusive managers. It’s not about “kiss up, kick down” specifically, but it provides a framework for identifying and responding to toxic leaders.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/97905.The_No_Asshole_Rule
- Good Boss, Bad Boss: How to Be the Best…and Learn from the Worst by Robert I. Sutton
A follow-up to The No Asshole Rule, this focuses more broadly on effective versus ineffective leadership. This is a nice brain rinse because it contrasts good management styles with things like “kiss up, kick down” behaviour.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/7996747-good-boss-bad-boss
- Toxic Leaders and Tough Bosses: Organizational Guardrails to Keep High Performers on Track by Teresa A. Daniel
A more recent, workplace-oriented guide to recognizing toxic managerial behaviour and mitigating its impact. Includes discussion of maladaptive leadership patterns.
https://www.vitalsource.com/products/toxic-leaders-and-tough-bosses-teresa-a-daniel-v9783111202686
- Overcoming Bad Leadership in Organizations edited by Derek Lusk & Theodore L. Hayes
This academic book tackles the dark side of leadership (abusive, narcissistic and destructive styles) with research-based insights into why these patterns persist and how organizations can counter them. Ever since I’ve been following the podcast “If books could kill” I’m suspicious of anything that looks like an airport best-seller so it’s nice to have something with a bit of rigour.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/59797959-overcoming-bad-leadership-in-organizations
- Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work by Paul Babiak and Robert D. Hare
Explores how manipulative personalities succeed and wreak havoc in corporate environments. It does explain why “kiss up, kick down” is an adaptation rather than a bug.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/132615.Snakes_in_Suits
- Workplace Bullying: What We Know, Who Is to Blame, and What Can We Do? by Charlotte Rayner, Helge Hoel & Cary L. Cooper
Another academic book, included for the same reasons as Lusk and Hayes. Again, power imbalances are discussed in detail.
- Beating the Workplace Bully by Lynne Curry
Offers tactical advice for individuals dealing with bullying managers and coworkers; practical advice on dealing with the “kiss up, kick down” dynamic.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25645203-beating-the-workplace-bully
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